I've moved....

Come check me out!

I haven't updated in over a month and a half. Life has been hectic not to mention that I have no computer at this time. So using the school's computers and using my parents will have to do for the time being.

Well this is probably the last time before I leave that I will be able to update. Lame I know but what can I do? I'm leaving for Pennsylvania in just under two weeks. I'm really excited but very nervous.

Jack and I are no longer seeing eachother. Bastard. Long story better left at that.

I hope you all have a wonderful summer and I will write more when I return in September!

It's been a rather unentertaining day today. I decided that today would be a good day to actually go to class. So I got my ass out of bed early this morning to take a shower. I get into the shower to realize that I had still left my shower bag in my trunk from the weekend. So I had to rap myself into a towel and bolt it out to my car...hoping that NO ONE would be out and about and see me. Luckily, I didn't see anybody. Blah Blah....

Went to class, then to work. Where I spent 7 hours going fucking insane. I'm convinced that the longer I'm at this job the dumber I get. I came home tonight thinking about the Magic School Bus and Juicy Juice. Ugg! There were some funny bits that happened today but in all honesty I can't remember them. I just know that they happened. I did however get chocolate milk spilled on my pants right near my crotch, so I spent most of the afternoon pissing and moaning about it. That will teach me to bring an extra pair when I go to work!

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Tonight I'm putzing around my house watching Big Daddy. I love Adam Sandler! I'm also doing laundry (again), it seems as though the pile will never stop. It's an unending cycle! SAVE ME!

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I called Jack earlier, but he wasn't home. This dating thing has got me confused. So when I gave him my number he waited 5 days to call me before we made plans. We had two dates within 24 hours of each other. Is he going to wait another 5 days to call me inbetween this one as well? Do you men have some lamn ass rule about the length of time before you call a woman back? My parents have been asking to meet him....two dates and they already want to meet him. My dad's a little worried that I'm going to get hurt. I asked why and he said "that last asshole you dated hurt you." He would be referring to the fireman. But my dad assumes any guy I date is going to hurt me. I think my father would prefer it if I lived at home forever, never married, and stayed 21 for the rest of my life. I gotta love the protective side to him though. He's great!

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Time for sleep. I don't think I can sit here much longer looking at the computer screen. My eyes are so tired from staying up to late last night and not getting enough sleep during the night. I have a tendency to go to bed but not actually fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning and then I usually have to get up for some dumb reason (ie: school or work) earlier then I want to. I wish that the world could just start and stop with my schedule. Work shouldn't start until 12 and I should get off at 3, yet still getting paid for a full time salary. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Okay for reals I'm going to bed. I can't believe I just said "for reals"....see it's those damn kids!

So I'm pretty damn lame......I was all ready to just sit and write about my weekend but then something came up and so I just posted what I had thus far. So today I was getting ready to post and then I thought that I otta finish what I started two days ago.

So where was I....

Oh right Friday: It was the memorial service for my grandmother so we were down at their house mucho early to get things set up, pick up the deli trays we'd ordered from Safeway and then head to the chapel. It was really amazing to see so many of my relatives.....all who said "The last time I saw you, you were this big" proceeded by a demonstration of how tall I was. My cousin showed up which I didn't expect (long story but my family didn't know about her for 18 years and then she looked up my uncle a few years back and she's sorta been in and out of our lives since then. Not taking to much of an interest except at times when she gets gifts out of it, stupid bitch) and she sat next to me, which at times made me uncomfortable because I wanted to sit next to my dad and mom but oh well. I actually got up and spoke, and people told me that it was beautiful and made them think fondly of my grandmother. I told a story of playing Scrabble and drinking Red Rose tea. I cried my way through it, pausing at times to get my head together. But it turned out alright anyways. Then it was back to the clubhouse for food and more chatter with family members. In all it was a good time remembering my grandmother's life and how many people she touched during it.

After the chaos had settled down I headed out for another date with Jack. Some may think that it's kinda morbid to go out on a date after you've just been to a memorial service....but I really needed some cheering up and someone to take my mind off of things. We had dinner at Red Robin, and then drove around for awhile talking. Yes...we actually did do some talking....and some other things *wink wink*! I got home at about 3 am and crawled my ass into bed and had a nice slumber.

Saturday: I woke up thinking that we'd be heading down to my grandparents house again but I found out that we were getting a day off. So I made plans with Ferra to meet up for lunch and then go with her to her hair appointment. I've never been to the sammich shop that she and her boy go to every weekend so I was thrilled. It was the most delicious sammich I have ever had. It had meatballs and mozzerella cheese on it, on a french roll too! Nummers! So we finished up our lunch and headed next door to Babeland to pick up a few things that they wanted. Sex shops are very interesting places to be. I gotta hand it to those people......they have a very large aray of vibrators and dildo's. Ferra picked up a new whip of sorts.....I know it has some other name but I can't remember and some fun looking bondage tape. It sorta sticks to itself which is funny.

Then we headed off to her hair appointment. The salon was very different from anything I've ever seen before. It seems like it's in this weird garage type looking place, with dim lighting. Ferra said how she thinks they keep the lights down low so you can't see what they are sweaping the corners. I agree! But she got the hottest looking thing done to her hair......Candy Apple Red Highlights. They look great! It took a really really long time, so long that I felt like I was going to fall asleep or starting drooling. But in the end it turned out perfect and she looks amazing!

We went back to her house, and ordered pizza. It was nummy too! Then I went home and fell asleep while attempting to watch SNL. Gotta have my weekly dose of Jimmy Fallon.

Sunday: Woke up early, had breakfast with my parents, and then went to my grandparents house. I feel asleep though about 30 minutes after we got there and only woke up with about 45 minutes to spare before I had to head back up to school. It's funny how time flies when you are sleeping! Heh.

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That brings us to today. I went to work again. I forget how much work it takes to keep 20 six year olds amused. My back is sore from giving so many piggy back rides, and from picking up toys. But now I'm manically cleaning my apartment because it smells like something died in here. Something probably did and I just haven't found it under the mounds of dirty dishes and dirty clothes that have littered my apartment floor. When I found out my grandmother died I dropped everything and went home, not caring what was left out etc etc. Then when I came back up here I was rarely here, cuz I was out trying to keep myself busy. But now that I am back, I decided for my own sanity....I really fucking needed to clean up.

I have already cleaned my bathroom, did two loads of dishes, put a load of laundry in the machine, taken out two bags of trash (working on a third) and cleaned out Oliver's litter box. Oliver is my cat for those of you who don't know.

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Okay back to the cleaning madness....hopefully by tonight I'll be able to see my carpet and I'll be able to eat off of something called a plate!

I have returned........

This past week has been hard but I'm finally feeling like things are settling back down to whatever "normal" state they were in before. I know that I haven't been around much in the last week so I'm gonna give you the highlights of the past few days.

Thursday: I drove home in the later part of the afternoon to my grandparents house to finish with the last minute details for the service on Friday. And I also had plans with Jack. We had originally planned to go out on Saturday night but we had to switch things so his rugby team could come stay at his house. So we decided to go see a movie on Thursday night instead. We saw National Lampoons Van Wilder.....pretty damn funny but very high schoolish. Well despite the neked girls that run around through out the movie. So we saw the movie and then went to Denny's for a little midnight snack and chat. We have a lot in common and spent 3 hours talking about everything under the sun.

Friday: I got up at the butt crack of dawn and drove down with my parents to my grandparents house.

So after a painful week I have returned. For a short spurt of time though.........

Friday is the memorial. I'm stressed out about it. It's a scary thing to think about.

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I'm going to try and not talk about death anymore, it's depressing and no one wants to read about it. However I will talk about something exciting that happened to me yesterday.

I have stated before that I have this crush on Jack. Well last night he called me, we talked for about an hour and then I just kinda said "Hey by the way, I have feelings for you." Expecting the worst.....I waited for his reply......he replies with "Me too." So we're going out on Saturday. I'm half excited, half nervous. We've talked about going to see a movie or coffee or something. We'll see how things go.

I won't be updating my weblog for awhile.

My grandmother passed away today and I'm going home to be with my family. We're setting up camp at my grandparents house and so that means there won't be a computer anywhere in the vacinity.

I need to take sometime to be with my family. I'm pissed off at myself for not seeing her last weekend while I was home. I bitched about having to clean her house for her. Why couldn't I shut my fucking mouth and just do it? She needed my help and I was so fucking selfish that I didn't want to do it.

I want to crawl in a hole and die. I want to turn off the lights in my apartment and cry until my eyes will no longer open. I want to rip out my heart, and leave in on my desk. That's how I feel right now. Tomorrow may be different, and the day after that.

People say to cry....that it will help. I've cried. For 5 hours now, none stop really. Why is it not helping? What will help make the pain fade?

People say time....fuck time, I want it to go away now. I don't want anyone to feel pain. I want us to remember the good times, not the bad.

There I go being selfish again.